Before You Counsel Others: The Call to Personal Wholeness

As someone who has had the privilege of supervising many emerging Christian counselors, one of the most vital lessons I continue to emphasize is this: You cannot take someone where you have not been yourself. In Christian counseling, our calling is sacred, but it does not exempt us from our own humanity. In fact, our effectiveness as counselors’ hinges on our willingness to first face our own brokenness.

Be Healed Before You Help

It may sound harsh, but it’s true: if you don’t deal with your unresolved issues, someone will eventually walk into your counseling room and trigger them. Their story will bump up against your own pain, and instead of guiding them toward healing, you risk reacting from a wound you’ve not yet tended.

This is why I consistently encourage those under my supervision to seek counseling themselves. Not as a sign of weakness, but of wisdom. Healing is not a destination, it’s a journey. And if we’re serious about walking with others through their healing, we must first take responsibility for our own.

Tough Skin, Tender Heart

Christian counseling is beautiful, but it can also become complicated at times. Some people do not understand clear boundaries and it is your duty as a Christian counselor to address these boundary issues. Even those you pour into, pray for, and counsel faithfully may turn on you unexpectedly. That’s why you need tough skin, to not take every offense personally or allow hurt to harden your heart.

But equally important is having a tender heart, to remain soft, compassionate, and Spirit-led, even when faced with hostility or disappointment. The balance of these two, tough skin and a tender heart, is what keeps us from burning out or becoming cynical in ministry.

Emotional Intelligence Matters

In Proverbs 4:23, we’re told, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while empathizing with the emotions of others. It is not optional in this field, it’s essential.

A counselor who lacks emotional awareness can do more harm than good. But a counselor who has learned to sit with their own pain, wrestle with their own questions, and find peace in God’s presence will become a safe place for others to do the same.

The Example of Christ

Jesus, our ultimate Counselor, modeled this beautifully. He often withdrew to quiet places to pray. He wept. He rested. He felt compassion. He spoke truth in love. He was fully God and fully human, and He shows us what it means to be emotionally whole and spiritually grounded.

As future Christian counselors, your calling is high. But your first ministry is your own soul. Before you try to help someone else unravel their trauma, make sure you’ve invited the Lord to unravel yours. Before you hold space for another’s grief, make sure you’ve let Him hold yours.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about honesty, humility, and courage to grow.

Reflection Questions for Future Counselors:

• Have I invited God to heal the wounds I carry?

• Am I aware of what triggers me—and why?

• Do I have safe people and practices in place to process my own emotions?

• Am I growing in emotional intelligence, or avoiding difficult feelings?

• How am I modeling the same vulnerability I ask of others?

You are not alone on this journey. And your healing will become the foundation of someone else's hope.